*** E[C] is now known as DrEmpress
 DrEmpress: *MWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA*
            rob` flees to antarctica!
            DrEmpress trips rob
 DrEmpress: hey, I need my trusty assistant.
      rob`: oh.  okay.  where's my smock?
            DrEmpress slaps a mask/smock on rob and eyes the rest of the chan
            rob` washes up.  In ditch water.
 DrEmpress: Damo or Para, Damo or para...
      rob`: Parallax is driving home right now.
            DrEmpress hands the Mallet set to rob.
 DrEmpress: Pick a patient.
            rob` experimentally taps the wall.  good.
      rob`: hm..
      rob`: I'm torn.  Damocles tends to not play at all.
 DrEmpress: so grab para. :)
      rob`: but I'd rather do damocles.
 DrEmpress: he'll have fun waking in the middle of surgery and getting wacked
 DrEmpress: true.
            rob` has been, of course, wandering behind Damocles as this happens.
 He proceeds to beat him about the head and shoulders with a mallet.  *thump*
            Damocles dies.
            rob` picks him up and places him on the operating table.
      rob`: well, then it's an autopsy and not an operation.
            DrEmpress straps him down.
      rob`: we should revive him first.
 DrEmpress: nah.
 DrEmpress: we can revive him later.
*** Signoff: Damocles (Quit: Connection reset by peer)
      rob`: *snrk*
 DrEmpress: death is the finest form of anesthesia afterall
      rob`: Oh well.
 DrEmpress: hehehhe
 DrEmpress: he's been hiding from me surgerizing him for nearly a year now...
      rob`: hehe
 DrEmpress: anyway, grab para :)
 DrEmpress: and what should we do to him?
      rob`: I think he needs a tentacle for an arm.
      rob`: Do you have a large squid handy?
 DrEmpress: no.
      rob`: pity
 DrEmpress: but I have leftover calamari
      rob`: mm.  bit small
 DrEmpress: so?
      rob`: and he might nibble on it.
 DrEmpress: Och!
 DrEmpress: I have it!
 DrEmpress: we'll implant the calamari tenticles as a waving middorsal ridge!
      rob`: oh my.
 DrEmpress: the waving edibles will torment him forever!!!!!
 DrEmpress: *MWHAHAHAHHA*
            rob` mallets parallax upside the head with the Size Three
      rob`: *SMUCK*
            rob` hauls him over his shoulders and dumps him on the .. um,
operating table.
            DrEmpress scrubs up.
            rob` strips the proper area and fastens down the limbs.
            DrEmpress dons her medieval doctor garb
 DrEmpress: hey break out the obsidian set would ya?
            rob` reaches into the Special drawer and pulls out a worn black
leather case.
            rob` opens it and places several instrumnets on the tray beside him.
            DrEmpress sighs reminescently
            rob` puts away some of the less impressive ones.
            DrEmpress pulls out the not-so-fresh calamari
  Parallax: moo
            rob` munches one.
            DrEmpress eyes rob significantly
      rob`: sorry.  There's plenty there.
            DrEmpress eyes rob significantly
      rob`: wot?
 DrEmpress: *nudge* *glance at Mallet* *nudge*
            rob` re-*mallet*s Parallax.
  Parallax: OUCH!
            rob` does it again.  Thick skull.
 DrEmpress: you might want to up the calibre rob
            rob` tightens the straps on the operating table while he's at it.
      rob`: Good judgement, doc.  
            rob` pulls out the Mark Four and waits for signs of life.
 DrEmpress: that's why they pay me the big bucks.
      rob`: indeed, m'liege.
      rob`: He appears to be unconscious.
 DrEmpress: anyway, pass me that 3rd blade from the left
            rob` dutifully passes.
 DrEmpress: Nono! your _other_ left.
      rob`: Of course.  Won't happen again.
      rob`: *pass*
            DrEmpress takes the proper blade
 DrEmpress: *slice*
 DrEmpress: *hack*
            rob` mops up blood.
 DrEmpress: Number 4 pls?
            DrEmpress hand holds out
            rob` passes the #4.
 DrEmpress: thanks.
*** me*chop* Unknown command
 DrEmpress: *chop*
 DrEmpress: hrm, first calamari pls?
      rob`: *mop*
      rob`: How big?
 DrEmpress: well, we want to graduate the sizes
      rob`: of course.  small to large?
 DrEmpress: large to small I think
      rob`: m'liege.
 DrEmpress: they're all tiny
            rob` picks an appropriate size.
            rob` hands it over.
 DrEmpress: it we had real squid... but we don't
      rob`: yes, but we want it to look decent.
            DrEmpress aged-calamari-implants
 DrEmpress: hrm.
            rob` takes sutures and needle out, places it somewhere convenient.
 DrEmpress: 'tis a bit limp
      rob`: it is, but most of them are.
 DrEmpress: bicycle pump?
      rob`: ... I'll have to nip around back.  One moment.
            rob` dashes out the back door, returns a moment later with a bicycle
pump.
      rob`: *offer*
 DrEmpress: hey, thanks :)
            DrEmpress pumps up the calamari
 DrEmpress: suture?
 DrEmpress: *handouts*
            rob` threads a needle, ties it off, hands it over.
            DrEmpress stitches carefully
            rob` places the plate of calamari on parallax' rear.
 DrEmpress: hrm... a rose...and flowers...and ribbons...
      rob`: I can clean up with stitching while you add the tentacles.
 DrEmpress: how good at embroidery are you?
      rob`: not extremely good.
      rob`: very well.
            rob` continues mopping up.
 DrEmpress: hrm.  ok you can do the basic stabilization
 DrEmpress: I'll implant and come back to the finishing touches
            rob` nods, threads another suture needle.
            DrEmpress aged-calamari-implants
 DrEmpress: *pump*
 DrEmpress: *implant*
 DrEmpress: *pump*
 DrEmpress: *implant*
 DrEmpress: *pump*
 DrEmpress: *implant*
 DrEmpress: *pump*
      rob`: *tietietietietie*
 DrEmpress: *etc*
      rob`: Sorry to leave so much extra skin, but we can cut off the extra.
 DrEmpress: not a problem there, he had some extra there.
 DrEmpress: at least, before.
      rob`: *nod* it'll grow back if it's too much.
      rob`: nae worries
 DrEmpress: *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip*
*embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* 
      rob`: *surgicaltapebandagebandagebandage*
 DrEmpress: careful not to deflate them
 DrEmpress: hrm...
 DrEmpress: surgical glue.
            rob` nods, bes a little more careful.
 DrEmpress: *glueglueglue*
      rob`: I have white glue.
      rob`: *wince* sorry.
 DrEmpress: nah, that's water soluble
      rob`: okay.
            rob` peers at parallax.. gaining consciousness?
 DrEmpress: use the AntiMallet Mallet
      rob`: ah, yes, Mark Negative One.
 DrEmpress: nopers
      rob`: *MAHW*
 DrEmpress: Mark 1 4
 DrEmpress: negative 4 that is
      rob`: are you sure?
 DrEmpress: you used 4 to put him under
      rob`: Ah, of course.  *poke* It didn't work, yes, I should use good old
-4.
 DrEmpress: so it's gotta be -4 to counter it
            rob` pulls it out.
      rob`: *MAHWMAHWMAHW*
 DrEmpress: that was only three.
      rob`: well, three and a quarter.
 DrEmpress: better use the -.75 then
            rob` pokes parallax.
            rob` nods, pulls out hte mark -3.
      rob`: *MAHW*
      rob`: hmph.. he's pretending, I think.
            DrEmpress doesn't fall for it and doesn't loosen the straps
            rob` nods, washes up in nice warm water.
      rob`: *scrubscrubscrub*
 DrEmpress: yeah, better get that guttergunk off
            rob` removes smock and such.
            DrEmpress unmedievaldoctorgarbizes
            rob` offers tea.
            DrEmpress ultra carefully washes the blades
            DrEmpress graciously accepts
            rob` carefully packs away the serrated obsidian blades and stores
them safely and dryly, almost lovingly.
            DrEmpress sips her tea
            DrEmpress gets sudden idea.
      rob`: o/` I have a friend in Minsk / who has a friend in Pinsk / who has
friend in Thomsk o/`
            DrEmpress tips a few drops of scalding hot tea on the recent patient
      rob`: *wince*
      rob`: .. he's good.
 DrEmpress: very.
 DrEmpress: Modified chinese water torture you think?
            DrEmpress goes into the back.
      rob`: a still, maybe?
      rob`: designed to drip pure, scalding alcohol?
            DrEmpress re-emerges with a iv bag of saline solution.  and sticks
it in the microwave
      rob`: hee hee hee hee
            rob` sips Orange Pekoe, peers.
      rob`: +at the microwave.
      rob`: You're leaving it in rather long, aren't you?
 DrEmpress: *ding*
            DrEmpress dons heavy gloves and pulls out the bag
            rob` watches it bulge and agitate alarmingly.
            rob` sets up a stand and inserts a feed into parallax' arm.
            DrEmpress carefully sets up an iv stand, dangles the bag
 DrEmpress: nopers, not into his arm
      rob`: oh? 
            rob` closes the feed and doesn't get *too* much blood on the floor.
            DrEmpress punctures the bag with the feed
 DrEmpress: Flip 'em over will yah?
            rob` flips parallax onto his back, careful not to tear out the
implants.
            DrEmpress arranges the boiling salt solution to drip in
uncomfortable areas
            rob` ties him down again.
      rob`: oow
      rob`: you nasty, nasty little wench
 DrEmpress: hee
            DrEmpress is feeling evil
*** Cygnata (none@a631.ComCAT.COM) has joined channel #constainia.
 DrEmpress: obviously
*** Mode change "+o Cygnata" on #constainia by ChanServ
   Cygnata: hi
 DrEmpress: hey cyg!
      rob`: heyhi
 DrEmpress: damn.
 DrEmpress: he's good.
      rob`: E; you wouldn't do such a thing to me, would you?
 DrEmpress: hey rob, you think you could sit that quietly for that?
      rob`: I would not.
 DrEmpress: who me?
 DrEmpress: of course not...
      rob`: okay.
            rob` would prefer to be kept fully functional, thankyouverymuch.
 DrEmpress: well, he's still technically functional
      rob`: in time, m'dear, in time.
      rob`: :/
 DrEmpress: let's just hope he wakes up first.
      rob`: *nod*
            rob` zuhs, neckcricks
*** DrEmpress has set the topic on channel #constainia to Yeep.  Poor guy better
wake up soon.
      rob`: yeah, I think stuff's starting to dissolve.