*** E[C] is now known as DrEmpress DrEmpress: *MWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA* rob` flees to antarctica! DrEmpress trips rob DrEmpress: hey, I need my trusty assistant. rob`: oh. okay. where's my smock? DrEmpress slaps a mask/smock on rob and eyes the rest of the chan rob` washes up. In ditch water. DrEmpress: Damo or Para, Damo or para... rob`: Parallax is driving home right now. DrEmpress hands the Mallet set to rob. DrEmpress: Pick a patient. rob` experimentally taps the wall. good. rob`: hm.. rob`: I'm torn. Damocles tends to not play at all. DrEmpress: so grab para. :) rob`: but I'd rather do damocles. DrEmpress: he'll have fun waking in the middle of surgery and getting wacked DrEmpress: true. rob` has been, of course, wandering behind Damocles as this happens. He proceeds to beat him about the head and shoulders with a mallet. *thump* Damocles dies. rob` picks him up and places him on the operating table. rob`: well, then it's an autopsy and not an operation. DrEmpress straps him down. rob`: we should revive him first. DrEmpress: nah. DrEmpress: we can revive him later. *** Signoff: Damocles (Quit: Connection reset by peer) rob`: *snrk* DrEmpress: death is the finest form of anesthesia afterall rob`: Oh well. DrEmpress: hehehhe DrEmpress: he's been hiding from me surgerizing him for nearly a year now... rob`: hehe DrEmpress: anyway, grab para :) DrEmpress: and what should we do to him? rob`: I think he needs a tentacle for an arm. rob`: Do you have a large squid handy? DrEmpress: no. rob`: pity DrEmpress: but I have leftover calamari rob`: mm. bit small DrEmpress: so? rob`: and he might nibble on it. DrEmpress: Och! DrEmpress: I have it! DrEmpress: we'll implant the calamari tenticles as a waving middorsal ridge! rob`: oh my. DrEmpress: the waving edibles will torment him forever!!!!! DrEmpress: *MWHAHAHAHHA* rob` mallets parallax upside the head with the Size Three rob`: *SMUCK* rob` hauls him over his shoulders and dumps him on the .. um, operating table. DrEmpress scrubs up. rob` strips the proper area and fastens down the limbs. DrEmpress dons her medieval doctor garb DrEmpress: hey break out the obsidian set would ya? rob` reaches into the Special drawer and pulls out a worn black leather case. rob` opens it and places several instrumnets on the tray beside him. DrEmpress sighs reminescently rob` puts away some of the less impressive ones. DrEmpress pulls out the not-so-fresh calamari Parallax: moo rob` munches one. DrEmpress eyes rob significantly rob`: sorry. There's plenty there. DrEmpress eyes rob significantly rob`: wot? DrEmpress: *nudge* *glance at Mallet* *nudge* rob` re-*mallet*s Parallax. Parallax: OUCH! rob` does it again. Thick skull. DrEmpress: you might want to up the calibre rob rob` tightens the straps on the operating table while he's at it. rob`: Good judgement, doc. rob` pulls out the Mark Four and waits for signs of life. DrEmpress: that's why they pay me the big bucks. rob`: indeed, m'liege. rob`: He appears to be unconscious. DrEmpress: anyway, pass me that 3rd blade from the left rob` dutifully passes. DrEmpress: Nono! your _other_ left. rob`: Of course. Won't happen again. rob`: *pass* DrEmpress takes the proper blade DrEmpress: *slice* DrEmpress: *hack* rob` mops up blood. DrEmpress: Number 4 pls? DrEmpress hand holds out rob` passes the #4. DrEmpress: thanks. *** me*chop* Unknown command DrEmpress: *chop* DrEmpress: hrm, first calamari pls? rob`: *mop* rob`: How big? DrEmpress: well, we want to graduate the sizes rob`: of course. small to large? DrEmpress: large to small I think rob`: m'liege. DrEmpress: they're all tiny rob` picks an appropriate size. rob` hands it over. DrEmpress: it we had real squid... but we don't rob`: yes, but we want it to look decent. DrEmpress aged-calamari-implants DrEmpress: hrm. rob` takes sutures and needle out, places it somewhere convenient. DrEmpress: 'tis a bit limp rob`: it is, but most of them are. DrEmpress: bicycle pump? rob`: ... I'll have to nip around back. One moment. rob` dashes out the back door, returns a moment later with a bicycle pump. rob`: *offer* DrEmpress: hey, thanks :) DrEmpress pumps up the calamari DrEmpress: suture? DrEmpress: *handouts* rob` threads a needle, ties it off, hands it over. DrEmpress stitches carefully rob` places the plate of calamari on parallax' rear. DrEmpress: hrm... a rose...and flowers...and ribbons... rob`: I can clean up with stitching while you add the tentacles. DrEmpress: how good at embroidery are you? rob`: not extremely good. rob`: very well. rob` continues mopping up. DrEmpress: hrm. ok you can do the basic stabilization DrEmpress: I'll implant and come back to the finishing touches rob` nods, threads another suture needle. DrEmpress aged-calamari-implants DrEmpress: *pump* DrEmpress: *implant* DrEmpress: *pump* DrEmpress: *implant* DrEmpress: *pump* DrEmpress: *implant* DrEmpress: *pump* rob`: *tietietietietie* DrEmpress: *etc* rob`: Sorry to leave so much extra skin, but we can cut off the extra. DrEmpress: not a problem there, he had some extra there. DrEmpress: at least, before. rob`: *nod* it'll grow back if it's too much. rob`: nae worries DrEmpress: *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* *embroider* *snip* rob`: *surgicaltapebandagebandagebandage* DrEmpress: careful not to deflate them DrEmpress: hrm... DrEmpress: surgical glue. rob` nods, bes a little more careful. DrEmpress: *glueglueglue* rob`: I have white glue. rob`: *wince* sorry. DrEmpress: nah, that's water soluble rob`: okay. rob` peers at parallax.. gaining consciousness? DrEmpress: use the AntiMallet Mallet rob`: ah, yes, Mark Negative One. DrEmpress: nopers rob`: *MAHW* DrEmpress: Mark 1 4 DrEmpress: negative 4 that is rob`: are you sure? DrEmpress: you used 4 to put him under rob`: Ah, of course. *poke* It didn't work, yes, I should use good old -4. DrEmpress: so it's gotta be -4 to counter it rob` pulls it out. rob`: *MAHWMAHWMAHW* DrEmpress: that was only three. rob`: well, three and a quarter. DrEmpress: better use the -.75 then rob` pokes parallax. rob` nods, pulls out hte mark -3. rob`: *MAHW* rob`: hmph.. he's pretending, I think. DrEmpress doesn't fall for it and doesn't loosen the straps rob` nods, washes up in nice warm water. rob`: *scrubscrubscrub* DrEmpress: yeah, better get that guttergunk off rob` removes smock and such. DrEmpress unmedievaldoctorgarbizes rob` offers tea. DrEmpress ultra carefully washes the blades DrEmpress graciously accepts rob` carefully packs away the serrated obsidian blades and stores them safely and dryly, almost lovingly. DrEmpress sips her tea DrEmpress gets sudden idea. rob`: o/` I have a friend in Minsk / who has a friend in Pinsk / who has friend in Thomsk o/` DrEmpress tips a few drops of scalding hot tea on the recent patient rob`: *wince* rob`: .. he's good. DrEmpress: very. DrEmpress: Modified chinese water torture you think? DrEmpress goes into the back. rob`: a still, maybe? rob`: designed to drip pure, scalding alcohol? DrEmpress re-emerges with a iv bag of saline solution. and sticks it in the microwave rob`: hee hee hee hee rob` sips Orange Pekoe, peers. rob`: +at the microwave. rob`: You're leaving it in rather long, aren't you? DrEmpress: *ding* DrEmpress dons heavy gloves and pulls out the bag rob` watches it bulge and agitate alarmingly. rob` sets up a stand and inserts a feed into parallax' arm. DrEmpress carefully sets up an iv stand, dangles the bag DrEmpress: nopers, not into his arm rob`: oh? rob` closes the feed and doesn't get *too* much blood on the floor. DrEmpress punctures the bag with the feed DrEmpress: Flip 'em over will yah? rob` flips parallax onto his back, careful not to tear out the implants. DrEmpress arranges the boiling salt solution to drip in uncomfortable areas rob` ties him down again. rob`: oow rob`: you nasty, nasty little wench DrEmpress: hee DrEmpress is feeling evil *** Cygnata (none@a631.ComCAT.COM) has joined channel #constainia. DrEmpress: obviously *** Mode change "+o Cygnata" on #constainia by ChanServ Cygnata: hi DrEmpress: hey cyg! rob`: heyhi DrEmpress: damn. DrEmpress: he's good. rob`: E; you wouldn't do such a thing to me, would you? DrEmpress: hey rob, you think you could sit that quietly for that? rob`: I would not. DrEmpress: who me? DrEmpress: of course not... rob`: okay. rob` would prefer to be kept fully functional, thankyouverymuch. DrEmpress: well, he's still technically functional rob`: in time, m'dear, in time. rob`: :/ DrEmpress: let's just hope he wakes up first. rob`: *nod* rob` zuhs, neckcricks *** DrEmpress has set the topic on channel #constainia to Yeep. Poor guy better wake up soon. rob`: yeah, I think stuff's starting to dissolve.